


My ideal

by andiownyousomuch



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: F/M, SeiAki, Slow Burn
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-18
Updated: 2016-06-18
Packaged: 2018-07-15 20:12:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 900
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7236775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/andiownyousomuch/pseuds/andiownyousomuch
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>She couldn't be loved.</p>
            </blockquote>





	My ideal

**Author's Note:**

> Written for TgHorror, Day 2 - Submerge. Set after Kanou's lab arc.
> 
> And finally, I did what I've wanted for ages: to write a seiaki fic! I'm in the seiaki hell, but I'm happy now.
> 
> I can't wait for these two to meet again - though I know, it'll HURT.

Seidou could only stare, for a full minute.

Akira was sleeping.

Actually sleeping, in daylight, at work, arms crossed under her head, the sun hitting her blond hair, a loose paper escaping through her fingers.

Normally, he would have committed to memory that scene for their next argument; but his thoughts weren’t there.

Maybe it was because Akira was wearing pants, and not her usual skirt – a reminder of her hidden injury gotten from the last mission, of the fact that Akira shouldn’t be at work, but at home, resting; of their fight earlier on that morning, and of the flow of his harsh words.

_You were beaten by Naki, weren’t you?_

Maybe he’d gone too far this time, and the guilty left a bitter taste in his mouth afterwards. Despite all her efforts, Seidou could see that _she was limping_ all day. And yet, her impassive face didn’t betray any trace of pain.

So he’d never expected to see Akira like this – without walls, unguarded.

Vulnerable.

He walked to her, in silence. Seidou softly took the paper from her hand, laying it on the table. His eyes rested upon her, at loss of words to see her finally surrender to fatigue.

Somehow, because of the clarity of the room, of the sunbeam stroking her tired head… she seemed lighter, almost peaceful.

Before he knew, his hand was already outstretched to her, tucking strands of her hair behind her ear. He had to admit to himself – Akira was beautiful like this, with blond hair falling slightly over her temple and pink eyes eclipsed by her eyelids. It was a rare sight. Back at the academy years, he couldn’t recall seeing her sleeping, not even once. The image of her that remained from that time was of her graceful movements in trainings, exact, fatal and perfect; a picture that never had left his mind. She was always in the first place, intangible to him, and he could never reach her, not matter how hard he had tried…

… so it was a surprise, to him, that he was so close to her as he was now, like he hadn’t ever been before.

Like gravity, after so long aiming for an objective, Seidou couldn’t bring himself to walk away from her. It was the distance of a breath, of a few instants, of years of knowing each other, pulling him into her very direction, in waves – and he was drowning in her scent, falling, falling, lowering his head to capture her lips in a kiss of life, so he could just

 _breath_ -

_“Dad…”_

It was a low whisper, from far away, inside of her dream and of her memory – but he still could hear it. Seidou stopped himself at millimeters from her mouth, as his heart constricted painfully, like a drowning man trying to reach the surface of the sea.

– –  _I can’t breath._

He pulled away from Akira, and pressed a hand against his temple, the realization of his acts sinking in, filling him with shame.

_What the hell am I doing?_

His mother’s and Nagachika’s voices echoed in his ears, _do you like her?_

He dropped his hand. _No_ , he told himself, _I don’t. It was… it was just a moment_.

Trying to reassure himself, Seidou looked at Akira, to prove that it was n-

_\--Ah._

There was… a single tear running down her cheek. Just a moment, an instant – and, without thinking, Seidou touched her tear, fingers caressing her face, with worry.

He’d never saw her crying before.

Was she dreaming about her father?

Akira trembled at his touch, unconsciously. A cold breeze entered through the half-open window at that moment, startling Seidou, who froze where he was. But Akira just adjusted her posture, with a quiet moan, still asleep. And maybe he was holding his breath, or maybe _she_ was taking his breath away – he didn’t know.

Careful not to wake her, he walked to the window as soundless as possible, closing it. He risked a glance at her, then, his shadow now sheltering her form from the sun, stopping it from touching her eyes.

Seidou remained like that for only a few seconds, but it felt like it had been for a long time, as if he had been looking at her, ever since the first time he saw her and up until that moment – as if he had always been looking at her.

No one was there to see it.

She was sleeping, and he was awake for the first time in years – for once, not lying to himself.

So he leaned down, and placed a kiss on her forehead.

Akira was alone when she woke up, an hour after, with a dark blue blazer embracing her back and shoulders.

 

* * *

 

He was surprised when some of his former colleagues recognized him, because Seidou couldn’t recognize himself anymore.

And then, he heard.

_Her voice._

_“Ta…ki…—“_

Eyes widen with shock, her lips shaping his name in a faint whisper, the weak wind blowing her hair, bringing to him her scent.

Akira was beautiful.

_“Hihi…”_

In a childish gesture, he hid his face in his hands.

_“…It’s Mado!”_

The distance between them was never just one point, and it only got further:

It was now the difference between a human and a monster.

And he never could reach

touch

her.

He didn’t love her.

_He couldn’t––_

She couldn’t be loved.


End file.
